Adding a puppy to a family is exciting – congratulations! While it’s tempting to get carried away with that excitement, it is essential to put careful thought into the process. This is especially important if you are getting a puppy and you have kids at home.
Your first step will be to decide what kind of puppy you want. Looking for guidance on this? Check out our blog on best dog breeds for kids!
Having chosen your puppy, your next step is getting your home ready. This includes both physically preparing the environment (allow us to recommend our Puppy Preparation Checklist) and mentally preparing all family members for the new addition to the household. Here are some tips and best practices to get your whole family off to the best possible start.
Building a Bond of Mutual Respect
You must establish mutual respect between your child and your puppy for the safety and comfort of all members of your family. For a child, this means understanding that a dog is not a toy, and to treat your puppy with kindness. For a puppy, this means understanding that your child is a respected member of the household.
Handle with Care
First and foremost, children – especially young children – should learn to interact with dogs with empathy. Teach your child that a dog is a living creature and that you should be kind to the dog. How do you show your dog kindness? By respecting their autonomy. Do not handle the puppy roughly, carry them around, or pull on their ears, tail, or legs. Do not pester the dog when they are eating or sleeping and honor a dog’s personal space when they decide they need some time for themselves. (Let sleeping dogs lie, as they say!) Also, teach your child that dogs have much more sensitive hearing than humans. They should use an “inside voice” with the dog because otherwise it could hurt their ears.
Now that they know the basic rules, it is time to teach your child how to ask a dog permission to pet them. A dog experiences the world primarily through their nose. Have your child hold out a hand and let the dog sniff it. Allow the puppy to come to the child in this interaction rather than shoving a hand forcefully in a dog’s face.
After the initial sniff, have the child pet the dog on the chest or side in slow, gentle strokes. Many of us may instinctively want to place our hands on the dog’s head, but experts say that this may be perceived by the dog as a dominance attempt, which can scare them. By petting them on chest, you start the “conversation” on a good note.
Teach your child the “pet, pet, pause” method. Pet the dog a few times, then stop and wait. If the dog stays near you or noses your hand, congratulations! The dog has said “yes, please, keep petting me!” If the dog moves away or shows signs of stress, the dog has said “no thank you!” and you should try again another time. Seeing and respecting these cues is key to facilitating a happy, harmonious bond!
Puppies, as a rule, tend to be cuddlier and more rambunctious than their older counterparts. It is entirely possible that these theoretical rules of engagement will fly out the window when a furry ball of excitement launches itself into your lap. Great news – no need to ask consent because your puppy is saying “pet me, pet me, pet me!”. These rules are still very important for a child to learn, both for interacting with your puppy when it becomes an adult and for meeting new dogs.
Teaching Your Child to “Speak Dog”
Dogs have become remarkably attuned to us over thousands of years of domestication. However, a language barrier still does exist, so it’s important that the humans learn how to “speak dog”! Familiarize yourself with dog body language and teach your child the signs of a happy dog versus a stressed out dog. Keep an eye out yourself for dog body language while your child and your puppy interact. The vast majority of dog bites that come “out of nowhere” were immediately preceded by the dog trying to telegraph that they are feeling uncomfortable.
Another lesson for your child is that what means one thing to a person might mean something completely else to a dog. Namely – to a human, a hug is a way to say “I love you!”. For a dog, this kind of restraint is very stressful. There are many better ways to tell your dog that you love them! Let’s leave the hugging to people.
Respecting Each Other’s Space
Beyond body autonomy, it is also important for your child and your dog to learn to respect each other’s personal space, particularly their sleeping quarters. We highly recommend choosing to crate train your new puppy. The crate would become your puppy’s safe space. As such, your child should not crawl into the crate to play. That would be the equivalent of someone suddenly coming to live in their room!
Similarly, your puppy needs to learn to respect your child’s personal space. This means not allowing your puppy to sleep in bed with your child. Look, we get it – puppies and kids cuddling up to sleep are adorable. However, allowing a puppy to sleep in bed with your child can lead to some bad behaviors down the line. These include increased risk of separation anxiety, reinforcing territorial tendencies – not to mention potty accidents on the bed, ripping up covers, or the possibility of the puppy falling off the bed! By having your puppy sleep separately, you lessen separation anxiety and allow them to build some independence. As your puppy becomes an adult, they may enjoy a nap on the bed, but be sure that they understand that they are allowed by invitation only.
Maintaining Authority
Puppies instinctively tend to see children as littermates. While possibly being the cutest sentence known in the English language, this does present a bit of a problem for a naughty puppy. Remember, play for puppies tends to include chasing, wrestling, pouncing, and biting. They may also be more inclined to test boundaries and break rules. In order to avoid this, it is vital that your puppy learns to see your child as a respected (human) member of the family.
One great method is to have your child handfeed your puppy. Reinforce when your dog is behaving politely with your child through praise or treats. If your child is old enough, have them take part in training, or even just throw a ball for the puppy to fetch. Try to avoid having the child lay on the floor with the dog. A person lying on the floor at dog level is very exciting for a puppy, and the last thing that anyone wants is an overexcited nip on the face.
Approaching Strange Dogs
Finally, while the family dog may adore your child, this will not be the case for every dog you meet. Firmly impress upon your child that before approaching dogs that you see in public they must first ask their owner if it is okay to pet them. If and only if the owner gives permission, they can then proceed with the introduction outlined in the Handle with Care section. If the owner says no, accept this answer and move on.
A Family Commitment
Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is that a puppy or a dog is a commitment for the whole family. Having a pet is a wonderful way to teach your child about responsibility! However, even if a dog is technically “theirs”, a child should never be solely in charge of the pet’s well-being. The whole family must be ready to take on the responsibility of having a dog.
This is especially crucial for a puppy. The first few months of a puppy’s life are a time of critical mental growth, and their experiences during this time period will affect the rest of the dog’s life. Moreover, puppies come with additional challenges that you may not face with adult dogs. These include potty training, a tendency for mouthiness, and an abundance of energy that can turn destructive if not properly channeled. Even if you have an older child that you believe could fully take on the duties of having a dog, a puppy will require having all hands on deck.
The best way to both teach your child responsibility while also ensuring that your puppy is set up for future success is to assign your child age appropriate dog chores. For very young children, this may be as simple as learning how to be gentle with the dog, coming to vet visits, supervised handfeeding, and watching as you model responsible dog care. Children 5-8 can assist with grooming, changing water dishes, and accompany the dogs on walks. For the safety of both the child and the puppy, never have them handle the dog on a leash outside of the house, and always observe their interactions on the leash inside of the house to ensure the child is not too rough.
Children between 8-14 can take over some chores without direct supervision, such as feeding the dog all meals, regularly changing the water dish, grooming, cleaning up after the dog, and going on short walks. Children 14+ can handle most adult dog-related responsibilities, but may require additional support for a puppy.
